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[pauldron]

INBOX text / audio / video / action This is Lightning. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. code credit

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[enkelis]

( Releasing her hair, Clary immediately moves to yank her door open, staring at Lightning for a moment. It's been weeks since she's seen her, so many things have happened -- too many things -- and Clary isn't sure how to process everything that's happening. )

You were right. My tattoo is gone. ( It feels easiest to focus on that, out of everything. )

[pauldron]

[How do you even begin to process a thing like this? The entire world seems to have changed in the past few weeks; Odin's return, the battle for the Gods Wood, her encounter with the Rising Sun's mage, the battle's abrupt and startling end...

And somehow, Clary missed it all. Even so, there's something in her bearing, something in how she's holding herself, that speaks of something else being wrong. It tugs on Lightning's heart, the need to defend her people rearing up. Odin shifts with it, offering his blade, but this is something he can't fix. She stares down the few inches between them, grip tightening around her compass.]

Guess that means you're one of us now. [A soft sound. Sides. Always sides.] Welcome to the Temple.

[enkelis]

( Welcome to the Temple. It's innocuous, something that Clary might have said to someone else in her situation, but with that on top of everything-

Clary's eyes well up, pursing her lips tightly. )

And I can never leave. ( Her breath shakes on her next inhale. ) I can't go home.

[pauldron]

[The last time she saw Clary remotely like this, they'd just lost over eighty innocent people. A harsh blow, an unexpected loss, and then the frustration. The grief.

To disappear for weeks and to come back like this...no. No, this is bigger.]

Inside.

[Gently, both unsure of all of this and sure that Clary doesn't want her emotions on full display, Lightning shuffles them both back into the room. She shuts the door behind them with a resounding thud, guiding Clary to sit on the bed, then goes to a knee in the plush carpets in front of her, worried.]

What happened? What do you mean you can't go home?

[Her voice is calm. Start at the beginning. Maybe they can work this out.]

[enkelis]

If I go back- ( Clary falls quiet, taking a deep breath, ducking her head to try and will her emotion back into some sort of calm, to not let it all come crashing in. ) -I'll lose my memories. I'll lose... everything. My runes, my friends, all of it will be gone if I ever go back.

( She finally looks back up to Lightning, imploring, ) I can't do that. I can't go home, knowing that I'll forget them.

[pauldron]

[Another hundred questions flicker across Lightning's mind, not least of all what the hell did you even get into, but to ask those now, to rub salt into a still bleeding wound...

This isn't something Cure can fix. It'd be easier if it could. But all she can do now is listen, and try to understand. Home is, as far as Clary knows, no longer an option. The alternative is to stay here in this war torn world, and...

She'll end up alone. When the war is over, when the rest of them go home--can they? she tries not to think about that--she'll be stuck here with none of her friends. How is that even an option? And what other options are there to consider? One of them takes her with them? Nero, or Lightning herself, taking Clary back to their world when the fighting is over. It's something to think about, but not now. Not with the wound so raw.

So rather than say anything right away, Lightning stands up, closes the small gap between them, and wraps her arms around Clary's shoulders.]

You don't have to go through this alone. We'll figure something out.

[She's not the promise making type, knows how easily even their homes can break their word...but it still needs to be said. They'll find a way. Somehow.]

[enkelis]

( As soon as Lightning's arms wrap around her, the emotions hit her full-throttle, as though they'd simply been waiting for something to release them. Clary chokes out a sob into Light's shoulder, burying her face there as it finally, finally hits her-

She's never going to see her family again. Luke, Jace, Simon, Izzy, Alec, or Magnus; she'll never get to say goodbye, she'll never hear their voices or spend another day with them. Even when the war is done here, what will she do? Say goodbye to the people she loves while they leave, too?

Her heart feels like it's splintering, like her entire chest is caving in on itself from the sheer weight of the reality she's facing. )

[pauldron]

[Lightning just holds her a little tighter, as if that alone will pull her breaking heart back together, as if that alone can do anything for Clary's shattering world.

There's nothing that can fix that. Nothing that can undo what's been done. There never has been, never will be. Not for a loss like this. Losing everything and everyone that made her who she was, knowing she would never see them again...her own heart sinks at the thought. Thoughts of her family have been all that have kept her fighting, the need to keep them safe. The fact that someday, she'll find a way back to them. Losing that...fal'Cie. How to live with that?

One step at a time. Slowly, Lightning begins to rock them both back and forth. Her mother used to do this after one of the sisters had been frightened; it's been a long time since then, but she can still remember it helped a little. Just being held, knowing someone was there...it's all she can do now.

It doesn't feel like enough, but at this moment, it's all she has. The fighting, the offers, that'll come later.]

I've got you. [It's a whisper, a promise.] You're safe.

[enkelis]

( It helps; the movement, the reassuring words, just the presence of Lightning. Having the comfort of someone who feels just as much like family as those you left behind is truly the only thing soothing balm to a pain like this.

Admittedly, calming down takes far longer than she would like to admit; the grief just feels so damn unbearable. Not only can she never go home, but the home she was making in Fellden was uprooted and moved, too. While she still has everyone she loves, cares about, having to report to the Priestess is just another thing to contend with, but Clary's fairly sure that would be at the top of her list right now when the alternative is trying to cope with home.

Gulping down one breath, then another, and another, Clary gives Lightning a quick squeeze before pulling away, wiping at her eyes and cheeks. )

Thank you. I'm really glad that you're the first person I got to see.

[pauldron]

[She still calms down. Or at least, gets calmer. This is a wound that's going to have to close on its own, if ever does, and the scar it'll leave behind will always ache. Lightning knows how those work, and she lets Clary pull away. She doesn't go anywhere, though.

She won't abandon a sister. Never again.]

Yeah. [The root of the problem is the uprooting. With that in mind...] You know you don't have to stay here. It's not like we haven't spent nights at the warehouse before.

[How had Clary put it once? A home away from home away from home? It fits. Stay there and it can be like nothing has changed for a while. Give her enough time to get her feet back under her before processing everything else. It'll just be a little colder, that's all. That, at least, is an easily fixed problem.]

[enkelis]

( Clary huffs out a laugh, though it lacks any genuine amusement to it. )

That's true. Feels more like home than anywhere else right now. ( She breathes out slowly, inhales deep, repeats the process until she can feel her frayed nerves easing to some level of tolerance again, to not feel quite so stripped bare. )

I think that's the best place for me, until I figure out... everything else.

( What she's going to do about not going home, how to live in Temple when she spent so much time in the Court, how to exist as a whole person after hurting so deeply. )

[pauldron]

[Some things you can never figure out. A loss like this...it changes you. Irreparably. There's no getting around that, but Clary's trying. Until she can figure it our, or even if she never does, that space is still hers. Having the moon doesn't mean she has to be loyal, or stay here. Hell, Lightning's a fine example of that herself.]

Whatever you need to do. The only reason I come back here's the hot water.

[Which, to be fair, is a little harder to rig up in the warehouse given what it is. Still...she casts a look around the room, appraising. Her stuff seems to have moved with her. Good, and yet.]

Do you need a hand moving your things?

[enkelis]

( Clary huffs out a soft laugh at that. ) I think that's all I'd come back for, too. ( Like hell she's giving up hot showers, okay.

Looking around her room for a moment, she realizes that while a lot of her stuff moved with her, it'll likely be easier to keep a lot of it here; clothes to change into after shower and everything. It's why she shakes her head, barely. )

It's okay. I think- I think I'll pack up a box and bring it by once I've had a little more time to figure out the whole "don't constantly cry" thing. ( It'll give her some time to maybe try and process parts of what happened back home. )

[pauldron]

Don't force yourself to get over it. That just makes things worse.

[Their losses aren't the same, but Lightning--Claire--knows loss. She knows how this goes; the inability to face it, the unwillingness to deal with it because it just hurts too Much. She knows where that road can lead, and doesn't want to see someone she cares about repeat that mistake. So she sits there for a few seconds, trying to find the right words. Serah would know, but Serah isn't here. It's just her, and that's going to have to do.]

It's okay if you need time. I can handle lessons on my own.

[Like she has for the past...few weeks. fal'Cie, she'd really thought they'd lost Clary, too.]

[enkelis]

( Clary forces a smile, pained as it is. ) Thank you. For everything. ( For being there with her, for the advice to not force herself through it, for the offering of giving Clary some time to readjust to what her life is now. )

I'll probably be back this week. Having a routine again will be nice.

[pauldron]

[Oh, she knows that feeling. Routine, the sturdiness of things beneath your feet...it's something to cling to. When your world's been ripped apart all around you, it may as well be the only thing keeping you going. Something has to.

Even so...]

Take all the time you need. [She'll make it work. That said...she tilts her head gently.] Would you like to be alone right now?

[She doesn't think it's a good idea. After their parents died, she and Serah clung to one another, but...as quickly as she's become family, Clary's not Serah. It's her call.]

[enkelis]

( Allowing the loneliness, the reality of what she's facing, to settle in around her is probably not the greatest idea. But at the same time- Part of her knows that she needs to just sit with this, to process without feeling like she has to show she's okay, even remotely. So- )

I think so, yeah. Just for a little while. I'll come by the warehouse when I finish packing, if that's okay.

[pauldron]

It's fine. It'll be there whenever you're ready.

[Today, tomorrow, next week, next month. If time could heal all wounds Lightning would give it all to Clary, but...well. It's never that simple. Still, it seems like it's all she can do.

So, with a soft and sympathetic smile, Lightning gets to her feet. She reaches out, laying a hand on Clary's shoulder and squeezing firmly.]

Call me if you need anything.

[Anything. They have to stick together, right?]

[enkelis]

( Reaching up, Clary rests a hand on top of Lightning's, tilting her head to the side to rest it atop them both for a brief moment, allowing herself the comfort. Once her head is raised once again, her hand falls away, nodding. )

I will. Thank you.